COVERAGE DATE: 24/03/08

PREPARED BY: Nicholas Karamichalis

The Script’s Current Title – How catchy is it?  How well does it convey the content?

The title “Essex Dogs” is kind of a catchy title, it definitely works for the United Kingdom. Essex as a word carries with it all the connotations that people have about the part of population that lives in Essex. Though a versatile area, when the word Essex comes next to the word dogs, you immediately know that there is something illegal going on under the surface of British modern suburbia. The title in itself is a filmic reference of the likes of British Gangster films like Snatch or Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, The Business  and Sexy Beast.

The essence of the film though is communicated efficiently to the audience, they will expect to see a good urban gangster movie. As far as the International Market is concerned probably there must be a revision of the title in order for it to convey the city-gangster- British message in a more obvious way.

The Script’s Current Loglines – How does it intrigue the reader?  Is it written correctly?

The current logline is engaging and intriguing, it takes the reader straight in the core of the story. The log line makes us to want to know more, how Corbis, the main character, is going to prevail, and if he is going to, how he is going to do it.

As far as the correct format of the logline is concerned there is a problem. The negative aspects of the logline is that, at this point, it comes under the title synopsis, which is not the case.

The other point that there might be an improvement is that the log line could contain a line about Richmond – Corbis’ nemesis, who he is, what he can do, maybe it would intrigue the audience more the fact that he is a powerful and well connected man.

The Script’s Current Synopsis – How does it intrigue the reader?  Is it written correctly?

At this point the synopsis is not written correctly. Instead of the synopsis we have the logline under the title of Synopsis. Therefore an engaging synopsis is needed at this point.

How is the Script’s Current Plot?  Does it work?

In a nutshell the plot moves swiftly and smoothly, the characters follow their arch like well oiled machines and the velocity of the whole thing gives it a nice inner rhythm.

In more detail the plot is an inter-weaved story consisted of a police tale, a love tale and a gangster tale and it is all very well done. We have all the police story and the gangster undertones in the first act and before page 15 we have all we need to follow the plot of the screenplay. As we follow the story the love tale and the police tale come together and it is done nicely and more importantly in an understandable format that the audience can follow. The screenplay obeys to the three acts structure and the best part is in the third act where the catharsis, Corbis resolution, is what will make the audience really like this film.

How is the Script’s Current Dialogue?  Does it work?

The dialogue is one of the best aspects of this screenplay. It reads amazingly naturally. Maybe people outside England will not get some lingo at certain times, but the way that these characters speak will make up for any kind of incomprehension, if any. In fact this is another strong point, the dialogue is really original without having been compromised for a universal lingo that everybody will get at the first go.

The only thing that might be under consideration would be Corbis’ description- monologues, at certain points, maybe they could be a little shorter.

How is the Script’s Current Characters?  Do they work?

Corbis, the main character works magnificently and the amount of empathy that the audience will feel for him works expediential, from start to finish.

The other main thing about Corbis that really works is his character Arc. He begins as a kind of thug as if there are no feelings inside of him and he ends up surrendering, literally, to his love for Collete, Richmond’s wife, in spite of the fact that at the end they can not be together.

Richmond, Corbis antipodes, works fine as opposite to Corbis and makes Corbis look brute and at the same time more humane.

Script’s Budget Level and Appropriateness to Target Market/Demographics:

The target demographic of this film will probably be males 16 – 35, which is pretty much a demographic that all successful films are after. The strong story in combination with the British gangster film’s tradition, gives this story a more that a fair chance for a successful marketing, inside and outside U.K.

As far as the production budget is concerned, the film can be shot with a normal budget for a feature film. The settings can be easily on location and most of the action takes place interiors.

Comparative Conclusion and Recommended Improvements:

As mentioned in the beginning of this critique this film can be compared with Snatch or Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, The Business and Sexy Beast. It can work as a British Gangster film and the twist at its end can really make it separate itself from the lot. It is not a wannabe British gang flick, it is the real thing. Amazing dialogues, graphic colorful characters and an ending that can give the satisfaction to the audience for their money.

A few recommendations though are at hand for the actual screen writing. There are some camera directions in the descriptions that are not really needed. Maybe one or two violent scenes could be added, just to reinforce the genre’s notion of bad vs bad.

Suggestions of music tracks in the screen play, though probably they were felt necessary to the writer, they are not essential part of the plot, hence they can be dropped.

To conclude Essex Dogs is a screenplay that contains a winning formula, it is well written, plot and dialogue, and only with a few points revised it can be the actual shooting script, and a movie that can do a home run.