When it comes to sex addiction it’s often looked at in a very light hearted way and even admired as if it’s a sign of masculinity. On the other side there’s the popular opinion that it’s really only a lack of self control and you should just get on top of it, which causes suppression of the addiction leading to anxiety and stress.
One way to understand what’s going on is to draw the parallels with another addiction that is more widely talked about which is smoking. Both smoking and sex addiction are largely mental with physical effects, smoking is a little different in that the chemicals cause an addictive effect and in the case of sex addiction it’s the thinking about it that causes the chemical effect in the same way that maybe walking past a curry house makes you salivate.
However, smoking is more mental that you might think, I myself gave up, like thousands of others just by reading Allen Carr’s book, I didn’t have to use massive willpower, go through terrible withdrawal symptoms, experience weight gain or anything! I just got to the end of the book and wasn’t a smoker anymore. Thousands of others who attended his seminars say exactly the same.
Now anybody who’s smoked knows that one of the worst aspects is the torture of not being able to smoke. Look at the lengths a smoker will go to if they run out of cigarettes last thing at night. If they can’t find some they will spend a restless night constantly thinking about having a cigarette even though they don’t normally smoke in the night. They’ll make fags out of dog ends, eat or drink just to try and stop thinking about a cigarette.
It’s exactly the same for a sex addict, thinking about it is self torture, looking at erotic photos or movies heightens the pain, rather than removing it and worse than the smoker you need somebody else to sate those emotions, which can lead to great anxiety and stress. Moreover, since you’re repeatedly thinking about it in an anxious state when you do perform the act your subconscious will bring forward those emotions and you’ll feel stress or perhaps even anger or guilt rather than relaxation or pleasure.
Another downside is that it’s not something that people can generally talk about even to their partners, even though mental awareness is something that is more openly discussed now, and addictions are more than ever looked at in a sympathetic way, if you mention your sex addiction it tends to be associated with being a sexual predator, something entirely different but a label you are likely to be given if you mention your sexual addiction issues.
The key thing to remember is that the pain that is felt is very like all the other classic addictions like alcohol, drugs, gambling, smoking, even failed weight loss, all of which tend to end up in self hatred. Sex addiction is in many ways worse as the sex drive is natural and one of the most powerful urges people have and the act of sex being one of the most pleasurable.
And here’s the money cruncher in the pound seats, everywhere, everywhere, everywhere sex is poured at you, society is smothered with it, everywhere there are photos of attractive people and the net are particularly quick to use this to get you to visit their sites with dating sites encouraging endless trawling and many photos of people who aren’t even active on the site. Should this be policed? Could it be policed? Neither is practical or desirable, the thought of thought police is something against the very roots of Western principals and culture.
So what is the solution? Well first off the thing to realise is that you may be constantly thinking about sex and getting urges but chances are you’re in the mild to moderate group and not some monster as made popular in numerous movies. This means you can release yourself fairly easily from the addiction which will make you more attractive to the opposite sex since you’ll be cool about it.
I’ve put together a hypnotherapy tape at, I’m confident it’ll help if you’ve a personal problem with this issue:
